I've dissapeared...

and I know not when I'll become coporeal once again...obviously, I didn't come back the next day and link all that, but I really will...sometime...maybe soon. I bet you already guessed I didn't replace the floor OR deliver my resume around. I'm taking some personal time away from the hecticisim of the online (or otherwise) connections. I'm having a really hard time right this minute, but I started (finally) riding my bike again, and I'm reading a lot and knitting...maybe I'll be okay. Tomorrow I'm gonna (weather permitting) spend a few hours in the sun and try to work up the gumption to call a few friends...we'll see. Here are the various things I'm filled with: rage 23%, hopelessness 56%, apathy 45%, resentment 66%, lucious cream filling, 12%, various alterative substances, 18%. Not meant to add up to 100...

A pretty good day

I slept till 2 in the afternoon, then woke up to play with the cats, surf the 'net and read until I cooked dinner. Also worked about 7 inches of my afgan (pictures to come soon if I don't turn 'tard again and delete them) and at least thought about finishing the second of my Broad Street mittens. And printed out some directions for socks. Mmmmm. Socks. I can't wait. I've never knitted a proper sock yet, so this should be good. I also printed out a great tank top pattern, we'll see if I get to do it in the zebra yarn I bought. I swear I'll come back tomorrow and link all the yarns and patterns in this post tomorrow. Anyway, a good day. I'm probably getting up early and hungover tomorrow to either take my resume around town or replace part of the floor in my bathroom, both of which I already knew were overdue and which my mom reminded me were overdue today. Despite which, today was gorgeous. La!

Arrrgghhhaaaahhhhhh! Stab me in the face!

I'm sooo MR. So here's how my day went. Mom and I went to the local computer store (run by her best friend's brother, Skeeter. God I love rural Texas. His real name is Jesse cause he's named after his dad, Ed.) to find out about putting in the usb port, which would end up running about $40 installed, and to see about updating windows because we're still running '98 and it's starting to fall apart. And Skeeter has said before that our 'pewter is about too old to work on (4 1/2 yrs), and mom is sick of pouring money into it, so we end up talking about a new one, which he's going to give us a great deal on, it has a 256 Whatchamacallit and an AMD Thingywhoosie and he'll charge us $600 for the whole thing, we bring in our backups and programs and old computer and he'll switch the whole thing over, 90 days, same as cash. But because of all the hospital stuff and not knowing for sure that dad's gonna be okey dokey, we want to think about it for a few days, so he says, if you've got your camera right here, why don't you just use my computer to put the pictures on disk, save you some trouble. So I hook it up to the usb cable, get the program going, and because I'm used to a trackball and he's got a mouse, my finger stutters and I delete all 37 pictures from the camera memory card before the program was open even 30 seconds. I'm sick. There were some really cute ones of me, and let's be honest, I'm about as photogenic as a stomach pump, so that's never gonna happen again. I'm gonna go cry my big, MR sobs now.

Do I seem like a guy to you?

Because I apparently am. Please, please, please go take this test and then let me know if the results were correct or not? Please? Because I've taken it twice, the first time it was 74% positive I was a dude, and the second time (I purposefully put it out of my mind and waited until I ran across it accidentally, three months later) it was 86% positive I was a dude. Rest assured, I have performed a thourough naked search of myself, and I am most definitely a girl. A slightly freaked out, kind of insulted girl. I mean, I'm a tomboy. I'm a little butch. Okay. I know I'm boyishly charming. But 86%? I'm gonna have that put on a t-shirt. "Kiss Me! I'm 86% Boy!" It seems so unfair to have to be mostly boy when I can't do any of the really cool boy things, like shoot pool without being a danger to myself and others, or pee standing up, or get a bj. I keep checking just to make sure I'm not growing a peen.

Now with yiffing! Yayyyyy!

I wanted the Web Fire Escape so bad, but after I got it, I realized that all two people who read me probably don't have to worry about needing it, so I started having evil thoughts. I thought, the only solutions is for my fire escape to go somewhere so bad that just rolling your mouse over it would give you chlamidya. Like if it was a real, physical fire escape on your building and you were using it to escape a fire, you'd get one foot out there and see all the shit-flinging-monkey-on-kitten porn and pull your leg right back in. 'No, I'm fine, I'll just stay in here where it's nice and warm.' I'm still looking around for just such a place, but I think I found something real nice for the meantime. Just take some penicillin, click on the "evil fire escape" button over there and brace yourself, Margaret. I'll be changing it whenever the mood strikes me, hopefully to something worse every time. All the past masters will end up in the "wtf?" section of the links, way down there, which is pretty much turning into the "weird smut" section, I guess. Enjoy!

Now with comments! Yayyyy!

I was poking around Blogger and found a list of places you can put a comments faculty on your blog, and now I have one, courtesy of Nik Martin at Comment This!. I'm still working out a kink or two with getting it to look right and what not, but I'm really happy with it so far. You know, the last hour or so. He asks that you send him a couple bucks if you like it, so I guess the nice man will be getting some of my beer money. Now, all I need are some readers and some comments and I'll be on the road!

truth in advertising

I love it when people, especially people online, tell you exactly what you're going to get, and are being completely truthful. For instance, this site claims to be a "family site" and that's exactly what they are. I found it thanks to Mighty Girl.

I'm not a slut, I'm a GENIUS!

And the proof is right here. And here is why. Yep. I was genetically destined to be really, really, really, really, really...smart. And I am. Ask anybody.

Here's something weird...

that I found through (i think) Dave Barry's Blog and I can't decide if I like it or not. It seems a little weird, and I'll have to do some research to find out who this kid's dad is as he seems to know a lot of these people, but he panders his kid around New York, thrusting him into the arms of celebrities and taking his picture. My favorite is P-Diddy, on the fourth album page. Check it out. Oh, and thanks to Fark I got to read another story about a parents' group proving their point (they're stupid) with a story and/or picture from The Onion. Here's an account, with some links, of the first one.

Oh, I went to do the

Friday Five, but the site runs exeptionally slow and they haven't had any questions up for several weeks, and the questions this week are about your job, which I don't have and feel bitter about since I ran out of money, and I'm in a bad mood, which I might have mentioned, so I'm instituting my own list of interesting and inquisitive questions. I put the answers to the real Friday five on her message board as "kellye.zebra" if you're interested. It doesn't really run that slow, just when you try to type.
1....What's the meaning of life?
*Ha, ha, ha.

2. How do you cope with minor dissapointment?
*By emotionally attacking those around me.

3. Why are you so gloomy and depressed when thousands of people all over the world are in worse conditions than you and are still happy?
*Because I am smarter than they are.

4. Then why don't you drink a lot and take lots of drugs so you can be dumb and happy?
*I'm working on it. It's taking longer than I thought.

5. What's the most disturbing thing you've thrown up in the last two months?
*Blood. Or vanilla ice cream. I'm still deciding which was worse. If I can go farther back than two months, it's a tie between any dish with rice and any dish with spaghetti. Urrrrgghhhh. That's nasty.

suspending posting a few days

until I feel less like sticking a knife in everyone I see and twisting it. I'm in a pretty damn bad mood, and I've already put up a couple of morose, abusive posts on my Myspace blog, so I'll leave well enough alone until I recover. Anything interesting will go up in a bland, linked post or the sidebar, check back soon!

Happy Easter, ya'll!

My Easter present to all of you is to direct you to this site about peeps, and this one, so that you never doubt the fact that, even though peeps are disgusting, there is a good reason that they make 824 qintillion of them every year. Also, please, please do not click here unless you have already lost all hope. Seriously, yo, it's evil.

Dad's home now

The test showed his arteries and what not to be completely healthy, so he's just wired wrong. They started him on the medication Monday, and he'll take it for the forseeable future. We got home yesterday afternoon sometime between 3 and 4 and are all exausted, tho dad is understandably much more so. He's supposed to rest until Monday, go see his regular doctor to get cleared for work, then see the cardiologist in Victoria in six weeks to follow up. I feel positive that he'll be fine from now on, my mom thinks that's retarded, everything's back to normal.

Jessica just turned me on

...to Shinola. I know what you were thinking. Evil, nasty child. Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame!
Though I haven't seen them yet, she has picked the bass player, Hunter to be my new fantasy boyfriend/future husband. I think on the basis of the tough-looking tattoo across his chest. We'll see what it says, then decide. She didn't say so, but I think she thinks he's the only one who's not too soft for me. God knows what that girl thinks I do with boys, but she always seems to pick me sort of dirty, tough, derrick-worker types who look like ex-cons. Or maybe she just has a hard time getting a lock on my type (mostly dirty, tough, derrick-worker types who look like ex-cons. A few pensive, greasy skinny guys, and for some reason I appear to get it up for receding hairlines. Who knew?). Or it could be that she's serious and picked the one I could actually get (no offense to Hunter, but really, I'm no catch, and he looks easy). But really, I look at boys like dogs chase cars. I get all heated up about picking one out and pursuing it, but dammned if I know what I'd do with one if I caught it. I mean, I know what to do. Mmmmm, I know what to do allright. It's just what you're supposed to do with them when you're not doing that.
She's taking the lead singer, TJ, of course, but I'm not sure I don't want his brother Kyle. Of course, there's still Travis, and Steve, who is falling out of favor since I "met" him on a friends server that shall remain nameless (at least in this post). He is perfectly nice and funny, and still just as cute, it's just the, "oh, a real person with his own personality and needs, as opposed to whatever thoughts I put in his head" turn off.
Of course, Jess knows Shinola, and wants me to come see them and meet them, so I'll only enjoy them a short time, for the same reason. And I'm sure that before long I'll meet Travis at Nick & Vick's or somewhere, so that one is looking pale, too. I guess I'm going back to my old fantasy boyfriend, TV's Danny Masterson. Oh, well, we only broke up because he was hurt by my constantly seeing other people. So if you know him, don't tell him about Hunter, and tell him to keep the hell away from Austin so I don't have to start fantasy dating again.
Anyhow, I was listening to Shinola online mere seconds after she said the name, and you should be too, if you like rockabilly at all, cause these boys do it right and look good while doin' it.

Okay, you got me

Thundercats was really my favorite cartoon. I liked Transformers, I liked Moncheechees, but c'mon, "Thunder...Thunder...THUNDERCATS!!! HOOOOOO!"
You bet your ass. Cheetarah rules.
Anyhoo, exciting day today. My dad went out on a cable service call a little after 2 this afternoon, and around 3:30 his boss drove up in our driveway, which is not that odd since they've worked together 23 years and went to school together before that. But my dad's been having these weird little "episodes" the last week and feeling puny, and my mom and I (who almost never agree about anything) were both having creepy feelings about it and trying to get him to to the dr. before the weekend. But he hates to make a fuss, so he just decided to see how he felt on Monday and make an appointment then. So his boss pulls up in the driveway, and as soon as I saw his truck, before I could even see his face, I said, "Mom, I'm gonna go change, we have to go to the hospital." So mom is totally confused, thinking I need the hospital, when Dick (his real name) knocks on the door. It took a while to sort her out. I just knew. I knew he was going to be fine, but I knew he was in the ER. So Dick tells us that dad was working in Edna, a tiny town about 20 miles away, when he started to feel faint again like he did twice already this week, and about the time he started to loose consiousness, another co-worker who lives in Edna drove up to see if dad needed any help with the job. So Ken (the co-worker) sees my dad sitting in the shade of his truck, trying to get a drink of water and bright red and sweating buckets and unable to breathe, and talks him into the truck and calls Dick to tell him they're going to the hospital.
It was scary (he was admitted with a heart rate of 228 beats a minute, and they had to give him medication to make it slow down, which slowed it too far, so they had to give him medication to speed it up), and he feels like shit, but they're keeping him overnight to watch him and are going to do the dreaded cardiac catheterization, where they put a camera up your groin to look inside your heart. Which means we get a nifty 3"x5" picture of my dad's heart beating from the inside, and also that if these episodes are caused by something horrible like a blockage or anuyrism or clot, they can fix it, and if not we'll know he's just wired wrong and he'll take medication every day to guard against it happening again. As long as my mom doesn't kill a doctor first. She just hates all medical personnel. My mom is a fairly decent person, but she turns into an ass anytime there's a doctor or nurse around. Which is why I'm home right now, as I was afraid if I stayed overnight with them we would, one way or another, have two of our family in hospital beds.

I object!

I feel I was wrongly denied my rightful place as a fraudulent, malicious panderer on the 8th level of hell! I demand a recount!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Yayyyyyy!

My digital camera came yesterday! I almost kissed the ups guy. How often in your life do you get a box that contains (1) one digital camera and (1) one portable bubble machine? Almost never, that's how often. All I have to do now is find $40 for having the usb port put in my 'puter so I can actually upload the thousands (15) pictures I've taken today and the $100 or so so I can host them on this blog, and I'll be the most annoying person on the internet! Yayyyyyyy! So any millionaires out there (or thousandaires, I'm not a snob) go ahead and e-mail me about where you should send the money...I'm waiting...

icky...

we had a little snafu here Sunday--the computer got totally ass-invaded by some adware/spyware shit that shut us down until today. We may have gotten it all out; the little fucker keeps re-building itself, and our $79 "upgrade" of McAfee Security Center "doesn't recognize this file" all damn day, but it seems to be under control now. In other news, the weather has been in the 70's for weeks now, and today it's in the 50's and the boy cat has gone totally berserk. Both cats have been working into the summer reality of basking in the sun and lazily staring at things, now he's seized the cool weather and is doing that whole autumn "killing frenzy of death" thing where anything that exists on this plane (and some that don't) is being systematically treated to a full-service slaying. He's about a year and a half old now. The girl (11 last week) is lying cynically in a window, yawning in the meanest possible way.

a child learns what she lives

A little background for this story; I've had a lot of 'platonic' male roomates. I relate to guys really well. I lived in a big party house with four guys and a couple of their assorted friends for over a year. I learned how to blow a grass harp, light a lighter in my pocket without setting myself on fire, juggle, spit, crack my neck, belch and fart unapologetically in mixed company, and watch porn in a group while drinking beer as nonchantly as if it were old episodes of Sesame Street, along with other specialized 'guy tricks.' But my guy friends gradually moved away or got engaged or went to jail or started dating strippers, and we grew apart. For about 3 years I've had predominantly female friends and I thought I was re-socialized.
So, a friend of mine called me a while back and said, "You dissapeared this weekend, what did you do?" and I told her I'd just chilled on the couch all weekend watching movies my mom had sent me. So she asks, "What kind of movies?" and I say, "Chick flicks, mostly. You know. Resevoir Dogs, Grosse Pointe Blank, Fight Club, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels...like that." And she goes, "I don't know what's weirder; that your mom sent you a box with those movies in it, or that you think those are 'chick flicks.'"

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeee!

So, here is a list of what I got for my birthday, in no particular order:

• Lots of companionship and everyone bought beers for me.
• Extra hugs and lots of compliments and good wishes.
• Jessica got me a cool vintage shirt and hosted me around town incessantly.
• Kathey took me out for steak and gave me a really cute card and let me flirt with her boyfriend.
• Mary bought me the kind of sunglasses there is absolutely no excuse for and hottie shoes.
• Mom and Dad gave me a DVD player and chocolate macaroons.
• Andrea listened to me burble incessantly and drunkenly when she really just wanted to go get laid.
• Rosemary got me a turtle cheesecake and some cupcakes.
• My cat Odista gave me a horribly mauled but still squirming bloody mouse on my pillow.
• Emily gave me metastasized colon cancer.
• My brother helped me buy a digital camera and a portable bubble machine.
• Rob laughed at my jokes and acted like I was neat.
• Kellie and Tex hosted a great dinner and let me play with their dogs and bring anyone I wanted.
• And everyone was so nice to me and showed me so much love and tolerance and I know I'm forgetting a lot, but I really enjoyed my week in Austin, and my birthday went wonderfully, thank you so much, everyone.

Friday Five Answers

There's a fun little blog called Friday Five that posits five questions every Friday for people to answer either on the site comments or in their own blogs...so here's my go at the March 5th questions, since that's the latest ones they have posted...oh, yeah, and that's probably because they won a 2004 Bloggie and have been busy!

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
Miss Benson? Miss Barton? I can't remember. How weird is that? The last teacher whose name I can remember is...my High School Senior English teacher, Mrs. Eddings. I think that was her name...

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
Transformers. They really are more than meets the eye!

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Lisa. She was my friend in Carlsbad, NM when I was 3-5 years old. We used to make mudpies a lot and once had an argument about whether you had to pretend to wash the dishes after pretending to have tea. (She said no, I said yes, almost knocked the playhouse over in the ensuing scuffle. I won.) Later I had another "friend" named Lisa, but the less said about that manipulative user the better.

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Cream of Wheat with butter, milk and brown sugar.

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Buy a pickle and a coke and walk to my mom's store.

Slowly Recovering....

from a week of debauchery in Austin. Drank too much, smoked too much, did too much, slept too little, you know the drill. So now I'm drained, I'm broke, I'm away from my friends and there's nothing left. Same old, same old. Meanwhile, everyone's doing okay-ish, here's a list of things about Austin:

1. Got to see Ozzmodiar twice. Sweet. They rock. There couldn't be five nicer people, nor five who make a more seamless and cosmic sound when together. And they're also all hot. Whoo. And Andrea was there at the party show and Mary was there at the Cafe Mundi show, after which Jess and I got to hang out with long-time-no-see Matt from Quacks and his friend John. Good times.
2. I had a great time eating steak and lobster with an incredible salad and plenty of beers and banter at Tex and Kellie's house, along with Jessica, Kathey and Rob.
3. Got to see Alisa and Joel and Andrea at the Echoset show.
4. Got to see Andrea and Emily briefly at work.
5. Spent a whole day with Mary.
6. Mom spent forever telling me each time I checked in how very much she loved and missed me and wanted to see me, etc...and it took her almost an hour after I got in to start acting like an asshole. Don't tell me my own mom isn't an asshole, I know when she's being an asshole because she acts just like I do when I'm being an asshole. Where do you think I got it?
7. Spent plenty of time with Kathey and Rob, and Jess, which always makes me happy. Go in Amazonia and look at Rob. Mmmmmmmmm.
8. It always does my heart good to see my town and spend time bringing down all my friends with my woes and troubles.
9. I got to sleep outside once, and I meant to and everything!
10. I didn't even do anything I regret (that much).