Friday, March 12, 2004

What a pansy whiner.

I'm such an punk faggot emo puler sometimes. Jeez. How that all came about was I got up early today for a little daytrip that didn't happen with my mom's friend Rosemary, and when I get up early, one of three things happens:
  • I go back to bed (35% probable).
  • I'm grumpy and pointedly nasty all day (43% probable).
  • I'm impossibly and annoyingly cheerful and disjointed all day (22% probable).

Today was the cheerful option, and my mom and I were having a nice conversation while she got ready to go to work at the library. We were talking about nothing much, I showed her some funny stuff online, we were talking about what to do later in the day. Then she thought she heard one of the cats yowling to get out of somewhere, and started looking for it. I didn't hear anything, and she found both of the cats placidly sleeping, so no biggie. But she kept looking for what it was. "What could it be?" she asked me a few times. I had already told her I hadn't heard it, so about the 4th time she asked me I said, "I CAN'T HEAR IT," as though she were slow, and she said, (exact quote) "God, go back to bed. You wake up as such a bitch all the time. Why do you have to be so bitchy?" Which is, you should know, something she says to me on a weekly basis if not more often. Usually, there is some basis for it, as I am normally pretty grouchy lately. But I do not say things like this to her (about her, yeah, to her, no) and it always strikes me as such emotional terrorism that I cry, which I hate to do. It's just so unfair of her, such out-and-out nuclear warfare. Am I crazy? I know this whole situation isn't easy for her either, and I don't come out and say in so many words, "Hey, I'm fighting suicidal depression here, cut me some slack," and she can't read my mind, but sheesh. So that's what happened this morning. Lucklily, my friend Jess, when I was crying about this at her house two weeks ago, threatened to kill her next time she did it, so that's all sorted out then.

My birthday is coming!

I'm getting excited about it, although I don't know why. I always encourage people not to get me anything, maybe buy me a beer if they feel the urge to gift me. It's not that I'm altruistic, it's just that deep in my heart I know no one is going to get me anything, so I'd rather it be because I earnestly asked them not to than because they don't care. Except for family members, who will get me several things I don't know what are and would never use. This all started a few years ago when, in the months leading up to my birthday, I told everyone, approximately 798 times, that I really wished I could afford a manicure. Just a little old manicure, not like big fake nails, just the $8-$12 dollar version at a little nail shop, maybe. I said it until I myself was sick of hearing it. Just to let everyone know, here's a cheap little present you could get me, just less than $10 bucks, stick the gift certificate in a card and draw a heart on it. No big deal. So you know what I got. Mostly just empty cards, but also a delightful selection of cheap crap I didn't want and couldn't use. Of course, if you're reading this, I obviously knew you would and don't mean you. You know who you are. All I need from you is your inexpressibly precious love and friendship, and yet you always give me the perfect thing. The right word at the right moment, something you knew I needed, a silly something to brighten my day. Or cash. And, probably you've heard this all before, last year. God, I hate my birthday. And the best part is, I'm turning 27 and I'm an unemployed penniless alcoholic who lives with her parents. Yay. My cat is more useful than I am. Happy birthday. Jeez, and to think the whole point of this post was just a cheerful little note that if anyone did want to get me anything this year (penniless friends and family are hereby disqualified from the giftgiving: see above about precious love and friendship), I'm trying to get up the $50 to $100 to post morose pictures here to go with my dismal entries, so if everyone who (still) loves me (after reading this) gives me $2 I'll have enough (to take a city bus).

Here's a fun toy!

Go to this site and type in something fun. No reason. Just do it.