Supercuts Lady: What do you want to do with it today?
SL: Your hair? What do you want?
Me: Well, in three months I want a perfect, glossy swing bob. Today, I just want to not go home and hack it off at the scalp with a pair of kitchen shears.
SL: Oh. Okay.
Me: The last time I felt this way I took care of it myself.
SL: Oh. I can see that.
Me: Stop me before I do it again!
SL: Okay, okay! (snip, snip, snip) This should be better. (snip, snip, snip)
(as to a small, developmentally challenged child) You can flip it out or tuck it behind your ears, okay?
(As to a desperate woman standing on a bridge) And I'm not touching the front--you're almost there! Don't give up!
Me: You have to get rid of the proto-mullet!!! Please, you have to help me!
SL: I'm doing it! Right now. (SNIP, SNIP, SNIP)
(hands mirror, turns chair) How's that?
Me: (big sigh) Oh, I feel so much better all ready! Thank you! Thank you!