My birthday is coming!

I'm getting excited about it, although I don't know why. I always encourage people not to get me anything, maybe buy me a beer if they feel the urge to gift me. It's not that I'm altruistic, it's just that deep in my heart I know no one is going to get me anything, so I'd rather it be because I earnestly asked them not to than because they don't care. Except for family members, who will get me several things I don't know what are and would never use. This all started a few years ago when, in the months leading up to my birthday, I told everyone, approximately 798 times, that I really wished I could afford a manicure. Just a little old manicure, not like big fake nails, just the $8-$12 dollar version at a little nail shop, maybe. I said it until I myself was sick of hearing it. Just to let everyone know, here's a cheap little present you could get me, just less than $10 bucks, stick the gift certificate in a card and draw a heart on it. No big deal. So you know what I got. Mostly just empty cards, but also a delightful selection of cheap crap I didn't want and couldn't use. Of course, if you're reading this, I obviously knew you would and don't mean you. You know who you are. All I need from you is your inexpressibly precious love and friendship, and yet you always give me the perfect thing. The right word at the right moment, something you knew I needed, a silly something to brighten my day. Or cash. And, probably you've heard this all before, last year. God, I hate my birthday. And the best part is, I'm turning 27 and I'm an unemployed penniless alcoholic who lives with her parents. Yay. My cat is more useful than I am. Happy birthday. Jeez, and to think the whole point of this post was just a cheerful little note that if anyone did want to get me anything this year (penniless friends and family are hereby disqualified from the giftgiving: see above about precious love and friendship), I'm trying to get up the $50 to $100 to post morose pictures here to go with my dismal entries, so if everyone who (still) loves me (after reading this) gives me $2 I'll have enough (to take a city bus).