Martha Stewart is my bitch.

That's right, it's a Martha Stewart prison joke. Months and months too late, and in poor taste as well. Take it, bitch, take it all. You know you love it.

Phhhhhhtt. Sorry. Anyway, the reason Martha's my bitch is this:
   
   
   

So basically, I rock. I'm a domestic goddess and no one can resist my insanely good cooking. Oh, yeah, Martha? Here's two upside-down cakes I've made recently:
   

Old-fashioned, even, with poundcake cake from scratch and made in a skillet my great-great-grandma brought from Illinois in a covered wagon. And fresh pineapple, cherries, and peaches. Okay, okay, the fruit was canned. But the rest of it is true! So, Martha, what you got?